Communication recommendations

Please find a number of recommendations on effective communication. The recommendations have been derived from several communication theories.

• be inviting; acknowledge the other person; don't interrogate, but exchange
• be attentive, honest and forthright
• talk in terms of I, first person singular (as opposed to we and you)
• don't complete someone else's sentences
• allow the other person to tell about himself, don't project your own ideas on him
• talk to people instead of about people
• 'use' your discussion partner as a first resource for information about his background instead of a book or an expert, which can be referred anytime.
• talk to someone as a person, not as a representative of his culture
• general knowledge of traditions and customs offer a wide view of the world, but realise that it doesn't necessarily say anything about your discussion partner(s)
• discuss phenomena rather than groups; so talk about the pork taboo and not about Muslims don't eat pork. This way you leave room for the other person to adhere to the taboo or not.
• be empathetic and, if necessary, ask the other person for understanding of yourself
• as much as possible, think twice about your own choices and limits, clarify relevant choices and indicate your limits in a timely manner
• based on discovered differences between you and the other person, try to remain accessible to their value and try to discover and (re-)examine your own self-evidences, including those regarding language
• if necessary, be constructively confrontational, preferably by humbly asking (critical) questions that may start the other person (and yourself) to think
• be critical with respect to generalisations and stereotypes and don't use them yourself
• avoid us-them contrasts, as they set off tensions and impasses
• break through existing us-them patterns by speaking in the first person (I) and keep the content close to yourself
• avoid accusations and power struggles and look for stimuli
• if dilemmas, paradoxes, patterns, circular arguments or misunderstandings occur, and a suitable moment arises, discuss them with the use of meta-communication
• avoid acting the victim, stimulate your own and the other person's power
• listen to criticism and respond to its content, try not to feel offended
• stimulate responsibility for own behaviour, both for yourself and for others
• in case of clashing values, examine them with the help of meta-communication and clearly indicate your limits
• avoid the culture excuse and talk about it to others who use it, explaining why ultimately it won't work
• do as you say and stick to agreements
• practice (self-) reflection regularly
• in case of problems, get to the root of them, make contact with the person connected to the problem and discuss it in a decent manner (stop avoidance)
• distinguish between the person and the problem